Regret
by keller12917
Summary: What was meant to be a fun day out turns into a nightmare when Mike gets hurt and everybody blames Steve, including himself
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This story is dedicated to Dublin Writer.**

**Also dedicated to the members of the Yahoo SOSF group with great respect and friendship.**

**Thank you to Briroch for summary suggestion and some suggestions for the story. It is deeply appreciated. Thanks also to Briroch for checking this story over for me.**

**Thank you to Little Purple Butterflies for title suggestion. It is deeply appreciated.**

**Disclaimer:** _I make no profit off of anything related to "Streets of San Francisco" or the characters. I am not the creator of the series, that is Quinn Martin._

**REGRET**

Steve had been telling Mike for a long time he would get him on the skis one of these days. Finally the day had come that Mike eventually gave in and agreed to try skiing. He figured it would get Steve to shut up about it and he felt he owed him to give it a try - after all the hammerings Steve had to take at the Bowling Alley. And besides, you never know if you like something unless you try it.

When they went on their skiing trip the results were not what either had expected at first. Mike really seemed to get the hang of it and was doing good; - that is until the third day out -then it happened. Mike was on a novice slope with Steve helping him along. They had put in a couple of hours on the slope and Steve felt ready to call it a day. "Mike, if it's okay with you I'll do just one run down the more advanced slope and then meet you back at the hotel. Will you be alright here on your own?" Steve asked and Mike readily agreed. When Steve was gone Mike looked at the seemingly harmless slope again and thought: What the Heck, I'll give it just one more go...without Buddy Boy telling me what to do! But his skis over and he went headfirst into a tree. Now Mike ended up in the hospital and the doctors were not able to immediately revive him from unconsciousness.

Jeannie had just got home from college and found Mike's note he had left her in case she got home before he returned from his trip with Steve. She had to laugh at the thought of Mike letting Steve talk him into going skiing. She could see him watching a football or baseball game and fishing, there was no better fisherman she could think of - but skiing - he just was not the type.

When the phone rang Jeannie had expected it to be Mike saying they were on their way home that he had enough of this cold slush that Steve seemed to love so much. The news that the caller gave her was not what she had expected in the least and she struggled to maintain her composure.

"Jeannie, it's...uh...Steve. Listen there's been an accident, Mike's skis got crossed up and he went into a tree. They have him stabilized but he has not regained consciousness yet. They are airlifting him into San Francisco." Steve said nervously and he appeared to be worried.

"Do you know which hospital they are going to take him to?" Jeannie asked trying to stay calm.

"They were negotiating with General. I'm going to grab our stuff and will drive down as soon as I can." Steve told her. "I wasn't sure if you would be home yet or not, but hoped you might have made it in." he went on but still got no reply from Jeannie. "I'll see you when I get there." Steve finished hurriedly.

"Alright, I'll see you when you get in." Jeannie replied, anxious to get going.

When the airlift arrived at San Francisco General Jeannie was already there waiting. Once the doctor had examined him Mike and got him into ICU he went and spoke with Jeannie. The news she was given was not great but she knew it could have been much worse. She was allowed to see her father for just a minute or two, then went back to the waiting area. Captain Olsen arrived at the hospital and found Jeannie pacing up and down; she told him what the doctor had said and how Mike had looked when she was allowed to see him for a few moments.

"What came over that young man to take Mike skiing? He is not a young man anymore, Keller should have known better!" Olsen exclaimed angrily "When he arrives I am going to have a word with him, count on that."

"You will have to get in line. I have a few words to say to Steve, myself." Jeannie stated stubbornly.

They were both sitting in the waiting area when almost four hours later Steve walked into the hospital. He was told at the reception desk that Lieutenant Stone's daughter was in ICU waiting area so he headed that way. Jeannie who had almost four hours for her steam to build up looked at Steve with a cold stare and Olsen's look was not much better.

"Look, Jeannie, I'm sorry honestly." "He was doing good the first few days so I went onto another slope. I thought he would be okay on his own for just a little while." Steve explained trying to keep his composure.

"Steve, you knew he was not up for that kind of activity, and I would like to know what you were thinking?! Right now I feel like I have never been so angry with you before!" Jeannie responded, feeling her temper about to boil over at Mike's young partner.

Steve stood there not knowing what to say to her, afraid that anything he tried to say was just going to make her even angrier than she sounded already. Steve had realized as well that not answering her was not an option either, it was just making her temper flare higher and she was venting it all at him in a controlled tone of voice, but there was no doubt Jeannie was very upset with him.

"I thought he could try something new. I told him a long time ago, I wanted him to at least give it a try someday." Steve answered hoping to calm Jeannie Stone's temper.

"You are younger than him, you might be some sort of hot shot daredevil, but he is an older man who is not able to endure all the activities you can!" Jeannie exclaimed vehemently.

"She is right; you were an idiot Inspector Keller! The next time you get some hair brained scheme in your head about Mike, just don't! You might have cost us one of the finest men there is in SFPD, not to mention as a person. If I could, believe me - I would suspend you over this!" Olsen said jumping in with both barrels.

"Suspend me then, Captain! Fire me for all I care! You think you are any angrier at me than I am at myself, well you're not. Jeannie might have a right to be angrier at me but not you." Steve answered defensively. He was starting to lose his temper.

Jeannie looked at him like he was the lowest form of life on the planet then stormed off to talk to the doctor as she saw him coming from the room down the hall. Olsen followed her leaving Steve standing alone wondering if he would even be given any word of how his partner was doing. Jeannie sent sharp looks Steve's way until he finally gave up and left the facility.

Steve was dismayed and went to the department, where he was questioned by the other guys of homicide about Mike. He told them what little he knew, which was really nothing more than what had been relayed to them by Captain Olsen. He sat down at his desk and typed up a letter of resignation for personal reasons, just in case things got to be too much to take or he just decided he shouldn't stay since Jeannie was so angry about Mike's injury. Steve sat thinking that it was like seeing the sky turn green for him and Jeannie to not be able to talk to each other. He heard some rumor around the department as well, that Captain Olsen was going to make sure he was punished for this off duty incident in some form even trying to have him replaced as Mike's partner, if and when Mike was able to return to duty. If….that was a scary thought, Mike simply had to get well and come back!

The more Steve thought about it – did he really have to stay here? For at this time, nothing could hold him back other than making sure Mike was okay and even that had become more difficult since Jeannie would not allow him anywhere near Mike or her for that matter. Steve told the guys of homicide good bye and took his resignation up to Olsen's office and left it with his secretary to be put on his desk for him and then he was gone.

At the hospital Jeannie and Olsen were talking both totally unaware of the drastic measure Steve had taken concerning his career with SFPD and was fast putting distance between himself and San Francisco and the two people he had loved as family since the day they met.

"I'll talk to Steve later on when I know Mike is going to be okay. Right now he is my main concern, I know Steve feels guilty about all this but I am too angry and upset to deal with him right now." Jeannie said now starting to regret the quick temper displayed towards Steve.

"That is understandable, Jeannie. Your father is naturally your primary worry, rather than his partner. I know you two have always been close and maybe this wasn't all his fault but still it made me angry." Olsen replied more calmly.

"I know I don't think I had ever been so mad at him. It's like seeing the sky turn green to not know what to say to him or even to not want to talk to him. I feel bad we were both so rough on him though, but it is better right now that he is making himself scarce." Jeannie stated assuredly.

"I was told by the nurse that he called in to check on Mike and would call back later, so I guess he got the message when he was here earlier to just steer clear of you for now. I am sure in the end everyone will be okay once Mike is okay." Olsen answered with mixed feelings.

They both saw the doctor come towards them and that he was smiling. They rose expectantly and were greeted with the news that Mike was conscious and should be just fine and was asking for Jeannie and for Steve. The doctor told Jeannie she could see her father for a few minutes but he needed his rest so to not stay too long. Before she went with the doctor she turned to Captain Olsen asking a favor.

"Please find Steve and tell him Mike is awake and asking for him. He is probably at the department or his place. Tell him Jeannie said to come." Jeannie requested quickly.

"Alright it is against my better judgment but I will see if I can find the boy. I will be back as soon as I can." Olsen replied gruffly.

As Jeannie went off with the doctor, Olsen left the hospital to head to the department and homicide squad to find Steve and bring him back to the hospital. Once there, he found out that Steve had been around for a little while but then left after typing up something, told them good bye and was gone. Olsen went to his office to check in about messages, he was told by his secretary that Steve Keller had been there to leave something for him and she had put it on his desk. The Captain went into his office and when he picked up the letter off his desk he was stunned reading the words on the paper. His mind went into a slight whirlwind of how was he going to tell Mike and Jeannie this piece of news? The secretary heard his cry of surprise and hurried in to see what was wrong.

"What's the matter? Can I do anything?" Olsen's secretary asked worriedly.

"How long ago was it that he left this here?" Olsen snapped hurriedly.

"Possibly almost three hours ago. Should I have not have taken it and told him he needed to come back when you were here to give it to you personally?" Olsen's secretary replied anxiously wondering if she had done the wrong thing.

"No, it's fine but if you see him or he calls in to speak with me, tell him to get to General immediately. Mike Stone is awake and asking for him." Olsen said brusquely.

Captain Olsen called Steve's home number repeatedly and received no answer. Finally he put a call into the hospital ICU nurses' station and asked them for Jeannie Stone. When he got her on the phone he was not sure how to break this news of Steve's absence to her.

"He left a letter of resignation with my secretary. The people in homicide said he just told them good bye and left and he is not answering his home phone." Olsen explained

"He's gone? I can't believe this." I have a key to his place from Mike's pocket; I'll go there and check. I don't know how to tell Mike that Steve has left." Jeannie replied anxiously.

Jeannie gave Captain Olsen a list of every place she knew of where he could try to find Steve and went to check Steve's apartment for him. She noted there was quite a bit of clothing missing from the closet and drawers remained open as though he was in a hurry. She finally headed back to hospital and found Captain Olsen there waiting.

"I have checked most of the places you mentioned here in town and there is no sign of him nor has anyone seen him. What did you find at his apartment?" Olsen asked in a controlled voice.

"There was a good bit of clothing gone and it looked as though he was in a hurry to get out of there. I wish he would have waited, yes I was angry but I would have calmed down in a bit. Mike is going to be fit to be tied when he hears of this. "Jeannie said mournfully.

When the doctor finally allowed Jeannie to go back to see Mike again she asked if Captain Olsen could accompany her as she knew Mike was going to know something was wrong and felt it was best to go ahead and tell him of Steve's leaving rather than waiting as she had planned to do.

"Mike, Captain Olsen is here to see you." Jeannie said trying to sound cheerful.

"Listen, Mike there is something you need to know and please try to stay calm." Olsen stated worriedly.

"What is it?" Mike looked from Olsen to Jeannie and noticed she was trying to avoid his eyes, "Where's Steve? Didn't you tell him I wanted to see him?" Mike asked starting to feel more anxious.

"Mike, we tried to get in touch with him after he left the hospital. We can't find him, I checked his apartment and he was not there." Jeannie responded guiltily.

"He came by my office while I was here and gave my secretary a letter of resignation to leave for me." Jeannie gave me a list of places she could think of to look for him but he was not there and we still have some of the places to check." Olsen explained feeling a bit defensive.

"Rudy, if you accept that resignation, I promise you when I get out of here there will be hell to pay!" Mike exclaimed with heat in his tone.

Mike gave Captain Olsen a few more places than Jeannie, where he could check for Steve. Olsen left to go and put out calls to check for Steve. Before he left, Olsen had arranged with the doctor and nurses that if and when Steve ever called back to check on Mike's condition, they were to get Jeannie to the phone so she could talk to him and get him to come back, as Mike wanted to see him. Now there was nothing to do but wait and wonder where Steve had lost himself and if he would even try to return.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been close to a week since Steve was last seen or heard from. Mike was getting more worried, as was Jeannie. Unbeknownst to anyone Steve had slipped back into town to try to at least see Mike. He hatched a plan in his mind and started taking steps to put it in action. Firstly, he acquired a surgeon scrub suit from a costume shop. Dressed like a hospital staff member he would be less likely to be stopped by anyone.

Secondly, he called ahead to find out Mike's room number and the end of visiting hours, as he wanted to do his best to not meet up with Jeannie or anyone else, if he could help it. One night he positioned himself in the shadows, watching visitors leave the hospital, when visiting hours were over.  
When Jeannie Stone exited she was watched very closely. As her car left the lot he still observed her and waited a few extra minutes before making his move.

Finally, with a glance at his watch, he marched toward the hospital doors. He walked with a purpose, like a man who knew where he was going and what he was doing; trying to show an air of confidence, although in reality he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

His mission was to visit a man who he felt a lot of regret over. Steve hoped that tonight he could at least find a way to apologize for the danger he had put his friend in. Even though it had been caused by unintentional thoughtlessness, in his mind Steve felt guilty and he assumed that other people blamed him for the accident too.

He headed straight for Mike's room with his head down, hoping that others that might have been visiting Mike besides Jeannie Stone had left the hospital as he couldn't face to meet anyone at all.

When he got to the room he has been looking for, he took a deep breath before entering. As the door opened the occupant's eyes turned toward the door and the look of worry that had been on Mike's face dissolved into a smile as he saw who had come to visit him.

"Steve!" Mike exclaimed happily.

Steve slowly approached his best friend and father figure lying in the hospital bed. "Hi, Mike. Thought I would come to see how things are going", Steve said guiltily.

"Things are much better now, seeing you here. We've been so worried, where have you been?" Mike asked with concern.

"Went toward Tahoe first day I left here. After that, just around here and there. No place in particular." Steve replied, trying to appear nonchalant but his demeanour changed as guilt overwhelmed him." "Mike, I am so sorry for causing you to get hurt. I should have stayed right with you instead of going to the other slope. I had to come back and apologize to you at least," Steve said shamefacedly.

"Steve, you have nothing to apologize for, it wasn't your fault! It was acting stupidly and not listening that got me hurt. You told me not to take any risks and just do what we had practiced so far. But I had been doing good so thought would try to go a bit faster... It was my fault and I told Rudy and Jeannie that too!" Mike said gruffly.

"Still, being a beginner you should not have been left alone. I was wrong to even push you to try skiing. Jeannie had every right to be angry with me." Steve stated emphatically.

"It was a good idea, nothing wrong about suggesting it. As for Jeannie she owes you a huge apology as does Rudy. Both are prepared to do it, the treatment you received was uncalled for." Mike replied almost angrily.

"It's okay, it doesn't matter, I did what I came back for. I just need to get some things from my apartment and then I will head back to Tahoe most likely." Steve said melancholically.

Steve, you're not serious! What about SFPD? You have a job there, remember?! Take a bit of time off if needed, but don't leave entirely!" Mike pleaded.

"I resigned Mike. I placed the letter on Captain Olsen's desk before leaving town. Felt it was the best thing to do in light of the situation as it was." Steve tried to sound confident about his decision.

"It's not being accepted, buddy boy. Not by Rudy or a certain homicide Lieutenant. Time off has been approved but not a resignation." Mike stated determinedly.

It dawned on Steve rapidly that Mike was the reason time off was arranged and his resignation had not been accepted. Feeling at a loss for words and with a huge lump in his throat he dropped into the chair by Mike's bed and removed the surgical cap shoving it into pants pocket.

"You've always looked out for me, Mike, no matter what. A better friend could not be found if I searched for a million years. What did you threaten Captain Olsen with, though? Come on, I know Captain Olsen would have accepted, unless he was told he better not. So what was the threat?" Steve is almost light hearted when he thought about it.

"Nothing really honest, just promised there would be hell to pay when I got out of here if he did accept your resignation, .Again it needs to be stated Steve, you did nothing wrong and I am very sorry you were treated that way, especially by my daughter." Mike replied paternally.

Steve shrugged trying to speak as casually as possible, although his feelings had been hurt by Jeannie's treatment.

"As I said it doesn't matter, she was worried about you. I'm okay, honest. How much time off do I have? I mean in case I decided to return" Steve still tried to appear indifferent.

"A couple weeks to start with, if you had not returned by then, well...let's just say I was hoping you would return before that. So Tahoe- or sticking around?" Mike asked hopefully.

"Honestly not sure, Mike. Guess better do some thinking. I resigned never thinking it wouldn't be accepted. You better try to get some sleep; I'll take off so you can rest." Steve rose and turned towards the door, ready to leave.

"Steve!" Mike's soft command halted Keller's move towards the door and the younger detective turned slowly back towards his partner as Mike struggled to sit up a little higher in the bed. Mike continued in a gentler tone." Please don't go. Let's talk."

Steve and Mike talked into the night of many things including regrets and dreams; both enjoyed each other's company as always. Mike was talking to Steve about his and Helen's trip to Vermont when he ended up falling asleep mid-sentence, but Steve didn't notice, as he was half asleep in the chair, too...


	3. Chapter 3

During the early morning hours at Mike's house Jeannie was having a dream about Steve having returned. _She dreamt she was asleep in the hospital waiting room and felt a familiar presence in the room. She heard the clinking of coins as they were put into one of the machines and then smelt coffee and upon waking, she saw the figure at the machine, she smiled because it was Steve. After they exchanged hugs, he got another cup of coffee and they sat together and talked, straightening things out with her apologizing profusely for how awful she had treated him_.

As she woke up fully she saw that she was still in her room at home, Jeannie then decided that she needed to go to the hospital to check on Mike and hopefully to see if Steve might really be there. She hurried to shower and dress, then left for hospital.

Once she arrived there and was headed towards Mike's room she kept thinking that the dream had been so vivid, as if Steve really had been there. She slowly opened the door and saw that Steve was indeed there, slumped on a chair with his head resting on the bed. She gently woke him up, Steve stirred at her touch.

"Dr. Keller, I presume." Jeannie said quietly.

"Hi, Jeannie when did you get here?" Steve whispered, not wanting to wake Mike.

"Just now, can we get some coffee and talk please?" Jeannie asked in a hopeful voice.

She was afraid that he was going to refuse because she noticed the hurt in his eyes at seeing her, as well as him being tired. He nodded and got up and they walked to the waiting area and got some coffee and sat together. At first both were quiet, sipping coffee, then she started talking as she knew she was the one that had to make the first move in this conversation, since Steve was the wronged party.

"Steve, I know it wasn't your fault and I deeply regret how awful I treated you. The things I said to you were untrue and unfair and I know Mike getting hurt was not your fault. I'll never be able to apologize to you enough to make things right between us again. But I really am very sorry for everything." Jeannie said feeling very guilty about the way she had acted.

Steve sighed softly took another sip of coffee before speaking. "You were upset and worried, it's understandable. I know you were just speaking out of worry. I think it really just hurt me so bad because you honestly mean more to me than you know. " Steve stated a bit sadly.

Now it was Jeannie's turn to sigh as she looked down. "Yeah, I know what has been thought about me Steve. What Mike has told you; mind your p's and q's around me. Steve Keller is just a friend of Jeannie Stone, nothing less, nothing more." Jeannie said wistfully.

He was not sure how to answer, as his feelings were way, way more than that. He knew that both of them have been hiding what they really thought of each other for a long time as neither knew how to go about expressing all that they really wanted to say. But he also was aware, that if he didn't express his feelings he would end up regretting it someday and that was one regret Steve thought he could not live with.

"Jeannie, is that really what you think I see in you and feel for you?" Steve replied almost defensively.

"What does it matter, Steve? I mean even if you think or feel something else what is the point of it, I could say what I have thought about you since we first met each other but what is the point?" Jeannie asked almost bitterly.

He took her cup out of her hand and put it on the table and held her hand in his. She looked at him wondering what was on his mind and saw the sadness in his eyes and on his face and squeezed his hand gently. He returned the squeeze and cleared his throat, just as he was about to speak a nurse came in to get something from one of the machines. She mistook Steve for a real doctor and tried to catch his eye. He basically was ignoring her until she started speaking to him as he was trying to think how to express what he wanted to say to Jeannie. He finally looked her way a second, then returned his undivided attention to Jeannie.

As the nurse continued talking, Jeannie gave the nurse a dark scowl that was fierce enough to singe every hair on her head, and spoke up as she knew Steve wouldn't.

"Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude but we are trying to talk here. Do you mind? Maybe he can visit with you some other time when he is free ?" Jeannie suggested heatedly, her temper rising.

Steve squeezed her hand again hoping to cool her temper as he sensed it was about to boil over. The nurse immediately got Jeannie's meaning especially when she really paid attention to the look on Jeannie's face and she made a quick exit. Steve was sitting shaking his head, but with a slight grin on his face at how protective Jeannie always was of him.

"Man, you can be a ball of fire when you get going, angelface. I think any woman would be scared to tangle with you, where your guy is concerned." Steve realized what he had just said and blushed slightly.

She looked at him and wondered if he said what she thought and was blushing as well but it was a pleased blush, not in the least embarrassed. They chanced a look at each other and the meaning was clear in each other's eyes.. He smiled softly and she did, too, then they hugged each other tightly.

"Come on, my guy, let's go see Mike." Jeannie quipped and as they walked down the hallway she thought: _And this better not be a dream!_


End file.
